Wow Almost 2 Years of Irrelevancy

Wow. It’s been almost 2 years since I last posted.

Life happens!

I obviously decided not to write a book… yet. Maybe not ever. Who knows.

Around the time of my last post, I went into psychotherapy for some of the things that had led to me being in the position where I had to escort to pay the bills. As part of treatment for post traumatic stress disorder, I had to write everything down. Repeatedly. And read it outloud in twice a week therapy sessions. I did not have the energy to write. It was structured and my therapist didn’t take shit, so I couldn’t avoid addressing the painful details of all the trauma that happened, by escaping into writing about the good and funny and interesting parts of escorting; like clients who like the color aquamarine so much that their entire homes are decorated with aquamarine everything, including the lingerie he gave me.

Ironically, the shit that was most traumatic for me, ultimately, was for the things I experienced that are sadly most common: Abusive exboyfriends, parents more fucked up than I ever admitted to anyone, etc. The whole outing and being outed and escorting shit was just icing on the cake; but then again, I could have been in a car wreck or gotten pregnant or any number of things to complicate and make things worse. Escorting, being outed, was ultimately just a unique additional complication… and when I went back to it, an escape into a fantasy world of denial that life had ever really been that bad.

If I hadn’t saved up the money from escorting, I would not have been able to afford the luxury of not seriously working as I put myself thru such intense self improvement/therapy/help. I couldn’t have held even a part time job for sure! In January of 2012, my therapist told me what she’d put on my insurance papers as my diagnosis and the treatment plan that “cured” me, and told me that I didn’t need to come in anymore. If you’re seeking a therapist, I would recommend someone like this woman, who has experience treating troubled teenagers and those in extreme poverty. At first I had to convince her that I wasn’t racist and was sincere about wanting treatment, because what well dressed white chick goes to the border of the black ghetto to get psychotherapy in one of the nation’s most racist metros?

If you are an escort reading this, I don’t know what to say… Except that once you’ve quit escorting, the further in the past it gets, the less relevant it gets. I’ve been able to be fairly open amongst my friends, and even when word somehow got to my boss that I’d done it 2 years ago, it wasn’t a big deal. Ofcourse I denied everything, and the girl who I had made the mistake of revealing that to, had many reasons to be jealous of me. It is a pathetic double standard that having a pretend rich exboyfriend who bought you a car, is a much more socially acceptable and believable fable than any truths. I really don’t talk about it that much, anymore, except when I get drunk, or emotional about other things (and during the latter times of high stress, I fantasize about going back to escorting – it’s an escape from real life when you’re feeling hopeless).

For a while, there were some Backpage escorts across the street from the office I work at. I could tell, so could the guys in my office, that men using our parking lot and knocking on the door to that apartment over the bar, weren’t just going in to get their accounting done! The restaurant/building owner eventually figured out what they were doing and kicked them out, and it was kind of sad, because they kept watch on our back parking lot and their lower-middle-class clients never bothered anyone. A family with rowdy teenagers moved in afterwards, and one of my coworkers got his windshield cracked by a rock they threw, and female clients parking in back were not comfortable (with all the cat calling, and “hanging out” that bored 17 year old boys do). The family ultimately got kicked out after one of the boys threw a moped off the balcony, and now I think the current tenants are drug addicts (but don’t appear to deal them).

An ironic thing is that being friend requested by random guys who could be former clients on my mainstream facebook page has been much less creepy than being repeatedly contacted by my parents, who I have explicitly told not to contact me (at the advice of my therapist, and she was only the 3rd therapist I’ve seen since I was 16 who advised me to have nothing to do with them). I accept their friend requests and put them on my “restricted friends” list. The guys I saw were genuinely nice. I’ve forgotten their faces and names, so I can only guess and go with my gut vibe on how someone knows me or why they requested my connection on FB or LinkedIn.

In the past few months, my self portraits were shown in a large art show, and I know that former clients and escorts in town who knew me, recognized and made the connection. I even ran into one. All 3 nights, with 3 different guys. The first night, my fiancee asked why we’ve never gone out with her and her guy because they seemed like such a nice couple. The second night, with her second guy, the friends we were there with never guessed either. She was a coworker somewhere I used to work. The third night, a big final party, I was dressed so slutty that she didn’t even say hi to me.

I told her I’d give her a good solid fake job reference, and that my fiancee probably would too. We exchanged numbers. She was too busy to get together for lunch. I guess that maybe she does not realize how good it is, when you finally decide to quit escorting, to have someone to talk to, to tell your stories to, to give you validation in the tremendously large and less highly paid world of not-fucking-for-money… I would have gone insane if not for talking to my therapist, and talking the ears off of my fiancee and my close friends!

But whatever.

I am probably going to renew this domain name, because I’m that stubbron. I make no promises to write any more, though.

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Writer’s block, but not thinking block lately

I’ve had writers block… but not thinking block lately.

Just at that part of my story between the first part, why and how I started escorting, and the last part (predicted by my working title: “Outed: A True Story”). How do I describe that magical summer and all those little red flags and everything going on that in retrospect makes me cringe at how it would later climax?

I would write more and blog more publicly, but I want to make sure I’ll profit on it before I start to let others start sucking and feeding off all my hard work. I have a real life, you know. Escorting was a temporary position, and one which my significant other knows about and accepts, but I respect our rule about me deciding to write: no drama about my past, unless I’m making “fuck you” money for him to brag to his family and coworkers about (at a certain level, money separates the courtesans from the hookers). Ultimately, I don’t want to be a lame former whore.

The book I’m writing will probably out me, but nothing I haven’t been through previously in a much worse scenario. It will probably out my family and former close friends, who can all go to hell. It will not disclose any personally revealing details about my former clients.

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Finally combined all those escort client introductions into one e-book

I just sat down and knocked it out. I was glad that I started doing it in parts, though, because starting smaller allowed me to figure out ebook formatting, the ebook publishing process, and how to make a cover for it! Graphic design and the finer details of formatting have never been my strengths, or I would have made straight As in all my college courses that required essays and writing.

All combined, there ended up being about 313 introductions from guys who filled out the contact form on my now defunct website, and it spans about 8 months. From my ads, I received hundreds of more direct emails, but those don’t as clearly tell the demographics or as much about why these men wanted to pay for my time as an escort.

You can now buy it on SmashWords in almost any format, or my paypal store as a pdf here. It will be published via Amazon’s Kindle soon- the back end says it’s in the process of “publishing”.

In the mean time, since I wrapped that up, I’ve been fervently writing and working on MY story. The working title is “Outed: A True Story”. The ending is predictable, but the how and why it all happened surprised me. I’m being brutally honest about what led me to start escorting, and my experiences. So far, I’m a little over 6000 words into it.

I really want to present a more humanistic, compassionate, attitude towards escorts and the men who seek them. I also observe that most of the literature that’s out there is about women who escort in big cities like LA, NYC, SanFrancisco, and coastal mega-cities.

The media sensationalism and dehumanization of sex workers disturbs me. I was very disappointed that NPR gave so much coverage to the street walkers in Tennessee or wherever they were. Drug addicts and the very very low end of prostitution have been around forever, and make easy media fodder I guess. Their story disturbed me, in that it made too many wrong generalizations. The middle class of escorts just wants to be left alone and to blend in as if they don’t exist. If you want to “help” a non-druggie non-streetwalker escort, help her fluff her resume and find a middle class job. Introduce her to men who treat her as well as her clients.

If society acknowledges the girl next door who takes a client a week, or the single mother who takes clients while her kids are at school, we would have to adjust our culture significantly to either accept our own sexual diversity or take more profound changes to address the reasons seemingly normal women escort and the reasons normal men see them.


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MailTo: An Escort Part 3 is now on Amazon Kindle

MailTo: An Escort, Part 3 is now live on Amazon Kindle!

I’m working on compiling all three “MailTo: An Escort” books, but I want to get the formatting perfect so that it looks great. These initial three parts were compiled while I was in the process of sorting through my old emails and figuring out how to go about self-publishing.

I got sick of waiting until things seemed perfect. I got sick of my friends telling me I “should write a book”. It’s imperfect, but whatever.


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Part 3 published on SmashWords, and I added an e-store

The Amazon Kindle version is coming soon, but until that finishes processing, you can buy Part 3 from SmashWords.

I’m keeping these email compilations relatively short – between 8000 and 9000 words. Part 4 may end up being slightly longer, and I’ll be compiling them into one longer e-book.

I added an e-store so that you can purchase directly from me via PayPal, after seeing a post on the Mobile Read Forums. I had a few hours tonight to figure it out, since I was giving advice to the guy with only knowing in theory what I was talking about.

As I continue to go through my old email introductions, I’m probably the heaviest user of the Random Name Generator at — I love it!

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Writing part 3… and Part 2 should be published soon!

Looks like EmailTo: An Escort, Part 3, will be approximately 8400 words! As I go through these old emails, I almost re-live some of the sexy, exciting, and heartwarming stories behind them, which I hope to write about as well. Escorting in a small town was a very unique experience and I remember it as being one of the happiest and idyllic times of my life, although it ended up being bitter-sweet. By the time I finish writing everything that I want to, those close to me will probably know who I am. Oh well, they already do. says it’s “publishing” part 2 of EmailTo: An Escort. I can’t wait to see it in the Kindle Store any hour!!!

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Mailto: An Escort is now on Amazon Kindle

I’m really excited! You can buy it here for $2.99

I’ve also submitted “MailTo: An Escort Part 2″ to both Amazon and Smashwords, and re-sent the first one to SmashWords so it can hopefully get on the Apple I-Books platform.

Working on compiling part 3… and doing this in 7000-8000 word increments- about 50 anonymized client emails.

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Hello World

I am a former escort, and these are my stories.

You can find my published e-books (so far, just one!) on SmashWords:

… and Amazon Kindle:

A synopsis of my first e-book: MailTo: An Escort

This is a collection of contacts through my now- defunct escort websites and responses to my now off-line ads.

I have substituted personal names with randomly generated names, and any references to my escort name with “Jane”. Specific small towns replaced with “Small Town”, and the city I was located in at that time with “Your City” or similar — with the “Nearby Big City” (and similarly worded) being between a 3-5 hour drive away. Other information that might be personally identifiable has also been removed. Otherwise, these emails are unedited down to the original typos and grammar mistakes.

I also want to note that not all of these men did I end up meeting. I am including almost every “first” email I received, no matter how mundane or short, because I believe that these seemingly insignificant emails help shape the bigger picture.

If you recognize yourself, or think you recognize me, in any of these notes, then it’s purely coincidental and you’re probably wrong.

If you’ve ever wanted to snoop through an escort’s personal email and see what kind of men contact and see escorts, I hope that this book leaves your interest even more piqued… I hope you enjoy reading this!

I will be continuing this book in another volume to be published soon. I hope that, in addition to being interesting to read, that this can serve as some sort of statistical analysis as to why men see escorts, escorts’ experiences in small towns, and to help humanize and give a voice to those who society seems to “hear” the least from: our clients, the men who financially support adult services including prostitution.

Your feedback encourages and inspires me:

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